It’s that time of year again. When New Year’s resolutions are being thought about, written in journals, and mapped out.
While most of the world is contemplating their New Year’s resolutions, I thought I’d share mine with you. It’s two-fold.
My New Year’s resolution is to be unstoppable. In fact, it’s my word for 2019. How am I going to do this? By peacefully ending my 48-year war within. Sounds like a good resolution, right?
Thing is, this resolution is going to piss off a lot of people, but it’s going to also bring a lot of joy and peace to even more people, especially to myself. So why would such a resolution bring conflict when the intent is to bring inner and outer peace?
WE WERE TAUGHT TO BE AT WAR
Speak only when spoken to. Be seen, not heard. Don’t rock the boat. Put other’s needs before your own. Make sure everyone is happy.
If you’re like me, and most of the world, you grew up hearing these edicts. And that last one…about making others happy…it’s a real doozy, isn’t it? On the surface, making others happy makes total sense. We should do our best to put a smile on people’s faces. But most of us were not shown how to balance this noble endeavor in a healthy way.
For instance, when you find yourself trying to make other people happy at the expense of your own happiness and inner peace, something’s going to give. And it’s likely your sense of inner peace that is given away. This is where the war within rages. I know this has been the case for myself. Can you relate?
PLAYING SMALL TO PLEASE OTHERS
When you’re taught to be more concerned with other people’s sense of peace and happiness, the idea of looking after yourself becomes an afterthought, until it’s too late. But what if it isn’t too late?
What if this was the moment, and 2019 the year, that we all stop playing small and become unstoppable by breaking free of the shackles of our social upbringing, especially the program of people pleasing?
Most people wouldn’t think of being conditioned to please others as playing small in life, but it is. So many of us were raised, conditioned and indoctrinated into keeping the peace by pleasing others that we have become a species that prides itself on suffering and we call it peace.
Yes, other people’s happiness is important. And we all desire and deserve inner and outer peace. If we continue to buy into the program that was instilled in most of us that inner and outer peace means we must tip-toe around everyone’s feelings to avoid conflict, we’re fanning the flames of a war that’s been going on inside us for most of our lives.
HOW TO WIN THE WAR WITHIN
While there are many horrific wars fought in our outer world that deserve our attention for bringing a peaceful end to, there is only one war that must be addressed and won.
It is the war within.
When this war is given its proper space and attention, instead of ignoring what’s really creating it, all those outer wars and conflicts in our world will cease to exist. Really, they will dissolve.
There’s many ways to address our inner war. But what if the quickest and surest way to win this war is to Love one’s Self so much that you (finally) refuse to keep living your life to please everyone but your own self?
IT’S NOT SELFISH, IT’S SELF-LOVE
Living your life to please yourself is not selfish. Far from it. It’s the truest and most loving thing you can do for yourself and for others. Yet, how many of us were truly taught this, let alone supported so that we can actually make it a peaceful reality without the conflict that usually follows?
Sure, lots of people say to live your life like there’s no tomorrow, but when you take aligned action in doing so and begin to live on your terms and not everyone else’s, conflict shows up. This is because your act of Self-Love scares the shit out of people.
Joyously living life on your terms forces people to look at their own addiction to suffering. That’s a good thing. But it’s not easy because people you love and trust will question your motives, try to shame or persuade you to not go down the path of true peace and freedom. In other words, tribal shaming is in full force.
BE UNREASONABLE. BE UNSTOPPABLE.
To those of you who are ready to give up being a slave to the program of people pleasing and playing small, and you’re ready to win the war within, DO NOT ALLOW the voices of tribal shaming to stop you.
Be unreasonable with your desire to be at peace. Be unstoppable in your efforts to win your war within.
Yes, your act of Self-Love will stir up conflict in others, but remember, that’s their war to win, not yours. We’ve all faced this conflict, both inside of us and in our outer lives. It’s time we all stop sacrificing our sense of peace by avoiding conflict.
Sometimes, conflict is the answer to winning the war, especially when that war is inside us. That being said, the war within you ends when you say it does. And for me, it ends this year.
From my inspired voice to yours.
Peter Clark Nelson